Hello To My Readers

Thank you to everyone who has looked at my blog so far and said such nice things about it! 

I made this blog because I decided it was a creative way to express my thoughts on all of the exciting things I try to do with my life, and hopefully it will inspire others to go out there and live their lives to the fullest as well. Everyone has constant opportunities in their lives to make decisions that could change their lives for the better. 

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About a year ago I took a huge step in my life, choosing to basically abandon everything I knew that might have been negative in any way and for the first time in my life depended on solitude, rather than socializing or human interaction, to help me define myself. 

In that time I had graduated high school and decided to take a year off, which ended up not being a year off whatsoever. Rather than going to conventional college I made my own schooling through programs that I sought out and researched on my own until I found the right centers that offered exactly what I was craving to learn. I took an oil painting class that I realized would push me harder in my artistic endeavors, took many ceramics courses, studied for months at an incredible acting studio, and more. On top of that, I took advantage of my rent-less life at home and pursued painting, jewelry making, vintage clothing picking, and studio session singing/ songwriting as my full time jobs. And yes, I am fortunate that my parents were supportive in this, but they were not going to let me sit on my tush all year and do nothing- and I worked hard.

I was also incredibly lucky (the mystics of perfect timing) to reconnect with some people who, during the most confusing time of my teenage life, seemed like the most amazing human beings and I admired them all. Over the past year I have had absolutely no doubts that what I had believed in them when I was sixteen has been absolutely true. From this group I got the kind of best friends that I always dreamed of having (people who understood passion, creativity, and how to truly care for one another), a perfect boyfriend who is constantly helping me grow as a person (perfect because we both work hard for our love through thick and thin), and a genius band that I could see myself touring with even ten years from now. 

When I began to honestly respect myself (and I don't mean just saying I "liked myself" or trying to make my own "grown up" decisions, I mean expelling all people from my life who treated me like I was difficult to love/ made me feel like I wasn't good enough even at what I thought was my best/ didn't take the time to support me, etc etc etc; we all make our own lists) I found that it was so much easier to connect with people who respected me back. And it was incredibly easy to recognize and say no to people who didn't. I began to stand up for myself. 

And that doesn't mean that I'm always happy. My goodness, that is not what it means at all. We are human for goodness sakes and something about this stick-it-to-the-man generation is also the most terrified and depressed. We're unsure of what we deserve, of what we're capable of, and with all of the input from skewed friends and internet forums, of what we truly want. 

At least for me, that's what I'm most terrified of. I'd hate to wake up in the morning in even five years and realize I'm not doing exactly what I wanted to be doing, even if that seems incredibly impractical of me- but that's exactly the thing! In this year I made the incredibly difficult conscious decision to only do what I want to be doing, a.k.a. the stubborn path and American Dream of Millennials. I'm still learning how to respect myself and say no to some things, but I understand in those weak moments why I didn't stand up for myself and how I can be better to myself next time.

Of course we have our responsibilities: save up to buy a new car because I crashed my first one months ago, finish that commission that wasn't so thrilling anymore, drive hours to get to my morning classes after choosing to stay up late the night before, and the list goes on. But how fortunate and harding working am I that I got to choose classes for myself that taught me enough to get me paid for doing what I love so that I can save up for that car and purchase it on my own?

There is an amazing quote that sums up like this,

"There are two things in life you should never worry about: things that you can't change, and things that you can."

This goes for jobs, college, your living situation, your mental and physical health, and most importantly all relationships in your life.

I live by this. If you can't change it, you owe it to yourself and your precious time to find a way to accept it and move past it, because honestly what else can you do except sit in turmoil and put a pause on your life. If you can change it, and it's bothering you to the point of worrying, then it's your responsibility to yourself to step it up and find some kind of solution for that change to happen. I did it, and while there's still so much more I want to accomplish, I kinda feel like I'm already living my dream. Living with an auto-immune disorder also leaves me in pain most of the time, but one of the most helpful things I learned reading about it was that all you can do is live your life. For the pains and troubles that you go through, if they won't go away, it's never going to help to just sit still- you need to keep walking and living your life and doing what you had wanted to with that day. There must always be time for nurture, and equally there is always time to recreate the reality that you tell yourself.

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So, finally, (yes this is the end, I know I talk a lot, I get it from my dad), this blog represents my journey in its most present form. Everything I share is a stepping stone of my life, whether it be going to an event, creating something, trying a new healthy recipe, performing, or simply finding things that are interesting to me, and I feel comfortable sharing that with other people because I worked hard to become the woman that I am today and would hope to inspire people directly or subconsciously. I want people to find their happiness, and even when it seems fleeting in one area, be able to find yet another source of happiness somewhere else. Thank you all for taking the time to look at this blog, it truly means the world to me.